i’m trying to grow without you, but it’s much harder than i thought it’d be. you were instilled in me, we grew together in our prime, so to grow without you is enigmatic. each day we spent together strengthened our connecting growth and now my individual growth is diminished, like a glass of water you emptied my contents and left me vacant and alone.
our memories haunt me and i remember them vividly. the desire you felt to steady my trembling hands as your fingertips brushed against them. your scent was always unfailingly homey and whole, i’m sad to say i still spend most nights sleeping in your clothes just to feel a slight presence of you, to reminisce what it was like to be undamaged. i spied as your colourful and bright eyes turn colourless and dim over the last two years and i’m sorry we disappeared.
now i’m almost 20 having to start again with supposedly effortless things; how to sleep peacefully without you next to me, how to let my mind wander freely without sending me into a spiral of never ending thoughts of us.
but i can’t enable my mind and my body to stay in this blemished, tortured state. i am no longer waiting for your sunlight and water to assist my growth, i am waiting to blossom.