2 a.m. thoughts

 Sometimes I lay awake at night in my 2 a.m. thoughts and reflect on how I look in the eyes of someone else. 

How are my eyes positioned? Is my smile too wide? And the shape of my body? How do I speak? Is my voice too deep? Do I have a st-t-tutter?… 


Am I a good person?  

  We all know that no one is ever good enough. There is always a “but” or a “what if” or any other counter argument  that nulls your “goodness”… So, abiding by these rules, nobody is a good person because human flaws prevent the latter. 

Am I a good person?

  What if I don’t fit in? This has always shadowed on my mind. I never thought I fit in, from any point of view. I have seen myself as a peculiarity in a more or less, “normal” society. 


Am I a good person?

It’s the way my thoughts process… Or the way I dress, the way I talk and my funny walk. Everything that helped consist of me as I was, or thought I was. 


  As an entity, our brains have the tendency to play with us. But after this game our brains leave us with some form of PTSD…. Why? Because being a member in our society nowadays is hard. It normalises the scandalous and it ridicules the simple. It judges. It points its crooked fingers. It confuses. 

  Why? Because it’s hard to distinguish perceptions from truths. The ability to determine what is right and accepted loses its meaning through your own very eyes… 

This my darling, is how your mind continues to defeat you. And this battle is a hard one. 


Few only succeed in winning over the background noise. But those  are the lucky and unlucky ones… They are unlucky because the realisation of being bound in an “original among the copies” emerges… That‘s when you know your luck has faded away. Henceforth that fight, struggle and feeling of guilt ….  Crafts the shape of your war. Internal. External. War.


Written by Alexandra Nebancea

A 21-year-old student that enjoys writing whenever time allows me to. Writing has always been a big thing for me and it is exciting to have the opportunity to put my work out in the world.

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